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Diversity and Inclusion, Startup Lessons, Tennessee

Inclusion Is About Sitting in the Discomfort

- Kelli Nowers -

I am an optimist to a fault. Every personality test I take finds some way to describe me as risk-averse. I avoid bad vibes about as much as I avoid Lower Broadway during CMA Fest. So when Laura Weidman Powers came to the Nashville Entrepreneur Center to speak to us about her journey as CEO and co-founder of Code2040, I so wanted her to tell us that it’s been the most comfortable four years of her life; that every conversation she has ends with a new resolute advocate and that every person she encounters now stands alongside her in the fight.

Instead she tells us this: “You will need to learn to sit in the discomfort.”

That was not what I wanted to hear. I don’t like being uncomfortable. Stepping purposefully into tough conversations is not easy, but I have now learned it is necessary. Especially on the topic of inclusion.

When we talk about things like inequality, people don’t think about it abstractly or hypothetically. We immediately connect it with a time in our life when we were treated unfairly, without dignity, or with disregard, whether consciously or not. As a result, these topics always cause strong emotion. And as hard as it is for this idealist to have to look cynicism in the face, I learned to grit my teeth and do it.

In one situation specifically, the work that LeShane Greenhill and I are leading for the EC’s Diversity initiative was being questioned. The individual came to the conversation with emotional baggage from past experiences they had with us. A meeting that was intended to be fruitful—a way to learn more about our respective initiatives—became a meeting of assumption and accusation. I felt attacked and judged. They had it all wrong. I wanted them to know our intentions were pure. In all honestly, I just wanted to say a bold, direct response then leave.

But I stayed. I sat and listened and explained. I chose to be fully present in a conversation that was far from comfortable. And this is what I learned:

  • Don’t go it alone: Sitting in the discomfort is easier said than done, but when you’re doing it, having a partner beside you to share the weight is essential. LeShane, the EC’s Code2040 Entrepreneur in Residence, embodies the definition of a partner.
  • After discomfort comes growth: Every time you experience the fullness of a tense conversation and see it to the end, you grow. Little by little, with every hard conversation you become a stronger, braver, more empathetic person. One who sees the potential in every foreboding situation. One who knows that running from talking about the issue allows the issue to live on.
  • Speak the truth: At the end of the day, you know your truth. Nobody else. Respond to assumptions and accusations with your truth. And grace.
  • The importance of listening: We all just want to be heard. So listen. Affirm the importance of their voice and experiences by listening.
Aug 25, 2016Kelli Nowers

Why You Should Launch a Startup in CollegeNashville Public Library Joins Maker Movement
4 years ago 2 Comments Diversity and Inclusion, Startup Lessons, TennesseeCode2040, entrepreneuriALL, Nashville, Nashville Entrepreneur Center233
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Kelli Nowers

Kelli Nowers is the Community Director at the Nashville Entrepreneur Center. Kelli helps lead their Diversity and Inclusion program, the EC and Google for Entrepreneurs partnership, and other community engagement initiatives.

Comments: 1
  1. Mel Ferrer
    4 years ago

    Wonderful article Kelli. I too was at the meeting you referenced and experienced the same discomfort and I wasn’t a moderator like you. You are correct inequality issues are uncomfortable especially for those of us who want to help but can never really fully relate. It was ironic to be a minority in a group of minority entrepreneurs, I felt like fellow attendees were wondering what business a middle aged white guy had being there. That minor “discomfort” gave me a glimpse of what the attendees felt every day.
    I met a fellow entrepreneur at a marketing meeting across town who grew up in Memphis as I did, we were about the same age, lived in nearby neighborhoods and hung out at the same places, but he was African American. As much as we could relate, our experiences were vastly different. So much so that he wrote a book warning fellow minorities about the pitfalls of perusing a career in his field. He wrote a BOOK about it! I could hear the anger in his voice when he described excerpts. Did I fell uncomfortable? You bet! Though you and Ms. Powers are correct, sometime you have to “sit in the discomfort” and really listen if you really want to help.

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Pingbacks: 1
  1. Entrepreneurship Is for All « Startup Southerner
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